Life or Death?
by signelchan
Summary: An accident kills a boy. His lover wants to die, too. But when she tries, it fails, leaving her to suffer, and her friend to remember it all. /SasukexSakura/


The memories of the crash are pretty much nonexistent; all Sakura remembers from that night is the squealing of the tires.

(And that she's alive.)

Her body had moved on its own, her friends had said, moved like it was supposed to jump out in front of the car, to fly through the air.

(She's still alive, isn't she? they all ask when she's taken to the hospital.)

How those tires squealed! The car had tried to stop before slamming into her. But it was going too fast, too fast for a residential area. The boy behind the wheel, crying his eyes out, said he didn't mean to, didn't want to, didn't _have_ to.

(Why is she alive?)

Sakura knows what happened. She knows she ran out into the street, in front of a speeding car, that she almost killed herself. But she doesn't remember it. The memories aren't there, other than one.

(It's like that's what kept her alive.)

She still can't leave the hospital, still can't return to the street, go back to her old life. She's not going to, either. She purposely set herself up for the accident.

As her friends visit, she sees that old life before her very eyes, all the memories, all the pain, all the joy.

Except for the crash.

(All there is...)

Her head throbs as she tries to remember that night, but all that there is are the tires, squealing, locking, trying to save her. It wasn't the boy behind the wheel's fault, she knows, but she can't tell him. She'll never tell him.

(It's his fault she's still alive.)

After many months of rehab, Sakura finally is allowed out of the hospital, making her exit on legs that should have been crushed by that speeding car.

(She should have been dead.)

When she returns to the neighborhood, she sees her friends, her dear, dear friends. They show her the street, the wall that she hit, the blood stains in their clothes.

Everything is almost back to perfect here. Everything is almost the way it should be. Everything, except for her.

(She's not really alive, right?)

---

The only thing Ino remembers from that night is the blood. The sight, the smell, the feel, of the dark red blood.

(And that she's alive.)

She can still taste the iron on her lips, taste it like she did that night, like the terrible night weeks before that, too. Two different nights, two different accidents, same taste.

(He's still alive, I promise, she remembers saying the first time.)

Her eyes gloss over as the memories of the first night, the first accident, reemerge. The tires, the fighting words, the sheer hatred, and the blood. The blood that filled her mouth with the terrible taste.

(Why isn't he still alive?)

Ino can put Sakura's body next to the broken one lying in the street. She can put her in the first accident, clinging to the bloody body, clinging to her true love. She can put the heartbroken feeling back into both of them, the exact same feeling that haunts her to the day.

(It's like that's what kept her alive.)

She still thinks of the blood, spilling out onto the street, still thinks of the boy's brother, a laughing maniac, as he watched his younger sibling die on the ground. She can't forget how it happened, the brother smashing the boy's dreams, homes, soul.

And leaving his lover to live.

(All there was...)

Tears fall as she remembers the funeral, the flowers, the sadness. She remembers Sakura's crying, how hard her body shook, how she said she'd go the same way he did.

(It's not her fault he's not alive.)

They had just began to get over his death when the second accident happened. The driver, going a bit too fast, down the same road, approached the same spot where he had been struck.

(But he should have been alive.)

The memory fades then. There was screaming, warnings, brakes smoking, tires squealing. Sakura was flying through the air like a limp rag doll. The blood was splattered everywhere.

In time, things will return to normal. Except for the smell. For Ino, the blood never goes away.

(He's not really dead, right?)

---

The gates are closed on him, yet Sasuke still tries to get into the elusive heaven. He knows why it is closed off: his hatred, his carelessness, his brotherly feud.

(And that she's alive.)

He can't feel the pain he felt all of his life anymore. He can't feel the warmth of his lifeblood rushing through his veins. But he can _remember_.

(You'll be dead when I'm done! his brother shouts from the window of the car.)

His body shows no more scars form the abuse he took, no scars from the things he saw, and, above all, no scars of the wounds he inflicted on himself.

(Why isn't he still alive?)

Sasuke can't physically touch his death wounds, but he can mentally. It hurts a little, but the feel of the chipped skull, the brain, it feels good. And there is a faint residue of blood.

Yet he can't feel it.

(All there will ever be...)

With broken wings resembling a broken life, he stands before gates that will never open. His true body, shattered and ruined, lies in a box he'll never see, while his new one, youthful and free, will never see the heavens.

(It's not his fault he's dead!)

There are no bars in the gate fore Sasuke to look between, to glimpse eternal paradise. It's probably for the better, he decides, as seeing the heaven may cause him to want it more.

(Then he should have lived.)

The thoughts disappear. He sits before the gates, waiting, watching, hoping for someone to let him in, something he knows is impossible.

(It's keeping her alive.)

Joy sparks in his ebony eyes for the first time since he was killed. The feeling rushes around his body, like the blood he once had. The noise of the eternal wind rushing through heavenly trees fills his ears, and she smiles.

(They all die, anyway.)

* * *

A/N: Happy October 6th!~

This will probably be my last actual Sakura/Sasuke-focused fic for a long time. :( I grew out of them, I guess.

I don't own, and please review!

Siggy


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